#FF I lost a lot, but I also gained

It has been one year since I chose to tackle a long time goal I had (when I was 22) to do a figure competition.  When I set the goal it was about being bad ass as a trainer and being, what I thought, was the top of the game for that field.  As I explained the story after the show, I had so many hurdles to pass through since that time and wanted to do it at 33 for other reasons.  

Of course I wanted to look good, but I also wanted to face my fears of being in a bikini and why not do that in front a huge audience in a pair of hooker heels.   I also was/am a mom of two kids and had gone through a lot of fight and tears and was ready to put myself first. 

Now what glitters isn't always gold as the saying goes right ?  It's easy to look at a fitness model with a tight lean body and think she is healthy.  What is the case, most of the time, is they are not!  They have yo yo dieted, they have leaned out and bulked up and a lot of the times is it with poor quality food.  Calories in calories out is not accurate but the fitness industry plays that game over and over again and continues to put artificial sweeteners and food dyes in their programs. girls think they have to starve themselves or run that last cookie they ate off in treadmill miles and its total BS. 

In the 3 months I hauled ass for this competition I lost pounds.  Not a ton because I gained muscle. I lost my period for a month!  I am the period girl everyone wants to be :). Regular, normal bleeding, no cramps.  I lost it one month because my body was malnourished and craving fat! I lost 10 pounds of water in ONE NIGHT.  Think about that, imagine if your scale would tell you that your weight is water or fat, how different that would be.  

The good thing I lost and most important, I lost my idea of what the perfect body was and how it should be achieved.  Hallelujah  

it isn't mass amounts of cardio daily. It isn't eating fish, chicken and egg whites (I knew that part). It isn't eating 1100 calories and burning 1200 of it. 

So what did I gain?  I gained confidence. I gained a since of completion, knowing I had these awesome babies and chose to do something for myself and that was ok. I gained a perspective on how I wanted my exercise to be for me.  

I am an athlete. I want to have stamina, strength and flexibility. Not just a tight butt and some muscles.  I also want to set an example to my daughter that health and exercise is not a gym selfie with your ass popped out in the right stance.  

Rememeber, if the long term goal is to feel the best ever, to not be sick, to have babies, to THRiVE, then re evaluate what it means to get there.  I'm glad my 22 year old self didn't reach that goal and my much more mature self did, so I could recognize the difference.   

*link is to my initial story on this subject on Kristin Cavallari's App.